The Fable Of The Uncertain Man: The Basic Story!

A long time ago, there was a man who lived in a country far, far away. This man was very uncertain. About what to eat, about what to wear, where to go and what to do. But mostly he had doubts about God. Not about God, per se, but more about religion and how it connected to this ‘God’. So, one day he set off on a journey to find God. If anyone knew about these things, it would be God himself.

On the morning that his journey was to commence, he packed some sandwiches, two flasks of coffee and four apples. He put his supplies in a pack and put the pack on his back. He went outside, locked the door, looked into the sun’s shining face and set off to change his life forever. He trekked far and long and eventually came to a little town beyond the forests of his home that he had never known was there. He was quite surprised to find it but the townspeople seemed nice enough, so he went to the church to top his supplies up and find out where God lived. Surely priests of all people would know this?

He walked up the steps to the church. Just before he could open the door, a priest emerged, resplended fully in the garb of his profession.
“Uhm... Hello, sir.” said the man a bit uncertainly. The priest blinked in the sunlight, it was undoubtedly very dark in the church. Finally the priest seemed to notice him and turned to him.
“Ah, my son! Welcome! Tell me, are you a Christian?” he said in a by-the-way manner.
“No. At least, I don’t think so. What is a Christian?” said the man in a great rush of words. The priest laughed and shook his head.
“Well, my son, I’m afraid you can’t come in.’
“But why not?”
“Because you’re not a Christian. You have to be a Christian to come into a Christian church.” said the priest as if to a child.
“Well, how do I become one?” asked the man anxiously. He was beginning to worry.
“You don’t. You are born a Christian.” With that, the priest disappeared into the church.

The man started on his path from the church. It was clear to him that there was no God here. This disheartened him mightily and he considered to just go home and put an end to this nonsense. Before he made it across the church plain another priest ran out to him. ` He was much younger than the other one and had a more radiant look about him. The man recognized this radiant look immediately.
“Passion.” he thought aloud.
“Erm, excuse me?” asked the young priest, a bit confused but still smiling and slightly out of breath for running on such a hot day.
“Oh! Nothing. I was just thinking out loud. How can I help you, sir?” asked the man, slightly embarrassed  by his slip of tongue.
“I only came to apologize for my colleague. He isn’t trustful at all, and he isn’t very fond of the modern ways, you know? I wanted to ask you whether you were still interested in becoming a Christian?” he asked, holding out his hand for the man to shake.
“Uhm, is God in the church?” The priest laughed, but it was a much more pleasant sound than the older priest’s voice.
“No, my son.”
“But I want to talk to him.”
“Oh, you can’t talk to God. You have to pray to which ever saint is appropriate, he will pray to Mary, Mary prays to Jesus and then Jesus talks to God for you. God is much too important to talk to us mere mortals.” said the priest. Apparently all priests spoke in condescending tones, no matter how nice they appear to be.
“Are all the townspeople Christians, sir?” asked the man, eager to get away.
“Of course! They don’t want to burn in the eternal flames of hell, now do they? Well, I must take my leave of you. Goodbye.” said the priest and walked away without waiting for a reply.
“Uhm... Goodbye?” the man said uncertainly to the priest’s back and walked into town.

When he reached the town center he walked into a restaurant, as he had not noticed how quickly he would eat all the food that he had packed for himself. It was lunch hour so all the tables were full except one where only one man was seated.

“Hi! Uhm... Do you mind if I sit here? I won’t bother you.” he said reassuringly. “Oh, no, it’s perfectly fine. Grab a seat!” said the diner.
“Oh, thanks very much!” said the man and sat down.
“Think nothing of it! I was looking for some company anyway.” said the man with a mouthful of bread.  
“Pardon me for prying, but are you a Christian?” asked the man carefully.
“Why, yes, of course.”  
“Then, perhaps you wouldn’t mind to tell me what it’s all about?”
“Well, Christianity is all about the giving and sharing and loving your fellowman.”

The two had a long conversation about Christianity and its saints and so on.  Through course of this conversation the man ordered a toasted sandwich and a glass of water.  The man was immersed in this religion.  Apparently, the priests were not real Christians.  Two hours later the man insisted that he had to go and they got the bill.  When the diner got his money out to pay for his food the man saw this his wallet was full of money.
“Uhm... I didn’t bring any money.  I thought I would’ve found God by now.”
The diner stood up immediately.  “Uhm... Well... I just spent all my money.  I’m afraid I shan’t be able to help you.  I really have to go, you see.  I don’t have any time to hang about.  Goodbye.” he said in one long stream of words and walked – almost ran – out of the door.
“Goodbye. Friend.”  said the man, hurt by this apparent Christian.

Finally, after much deliberation and talk of people being put into the pillory, the management allowed him to pay his debt by washing the dishes.  When he had finally finished it was already very late in the night.  Although there were lots of lights on in the surrounding hours and he could hear the sounds of friendly conversation and smell the odours of the native food, he still went to sleep in the forest.  He had lost his hope in these people.

There was a storm that night, and he got soaked to the bone, but he still never went back to that town.

The next morning the man woke up in the sun feeling thoroughly reenergized.  Although he was sodden to the bone he new he could not give up his journey until he had found God, because he felt that he needed the certainty and security.  He turned from the town and walked into the forest.  As we have already established, he had no food so he drank water that had fallen during the storm the previous night out of leaves that were curiously scooped.  He ate nothing, however, because he did not trust the wild berries that grew in the forest.

By the next day he was dry, but he was absolutely starved, his vision started to wring and he was just about to collapse, when he stumbled upon a group of caravans in a circle in a clearing in the forest.  There came at once a man to him with a look of concern on his face.
“My brother. You look like you are on death’s doorstep.  Come you must partake in our food!  Woman!  Bring the food!”

The man allowed himself to be led into one of the caravans and to be seated on a pouffe.  There came a woman into the caravan.  Actually did not at once know that she was a woman as she was dressed head to toe in black cloth with just a slit for her eyes.  She placed a platter of snack foods on the table and left without a word.  The man threw a “Thank you.” at her back, but was much to busy gorging to notice whether she had heard.
“Careful, my brother, you will rupture something.”
The man liked this ‘my brother’ stuff.  It was a big improvement to ‘my son’.  More... equal.
“Tell me.” said the man through a mouth full of some strange – yet delicious – dish, “Who is your God?”
“My brother, we are Islamic.  We pray to Allah.” said the man.
“Oh, really?  And where can I find him?” asked the man, perfectly innocently.
“Please, do not speak so blasphemously, or I’m afraid I shall have to kill you.” said the Muslim calmly but with a trace of impatience.
“I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize.  How can I be Islam?” he asked apologetically.
“My brother, you need only give your life to Allah.” said the man as if nothing had happened.
“Uhm... Well, that sounds like a big choice.  Is there absolutely no way I could talk to him before I do that? he asked very carefully, so as not to offend again.
The Muslim laughed.  “I’m afraid not, my brother. You make everything sound so easy.”
Another woman entered.  The man spoke to her in his language, but it was obvious that he was not at all happy.  She spoke sheepishly and left quickly.
“I shall have to whip her.”  he said resignedly.
“What?  Why?  Did she cheat on you?”  suddenly very confused.
“She was not in time to take the dishes away.” said the Muslim.
“Wow, that’s a little harsh, isn’t it?”
“My brother, in Islam women are lower than dogs.  That is why they wear those clothes.  My wives...”
“Wives?  As in plural?”  
“Indeed, my wives are my servants.  And... companions, if you know what I mean.” he said with a wink.
The man immediately tried to change the subject,
“So, how do you get to this Allah?”
“Well, you have to be a Muslim, and adhere to the rules of Mohammed.  But there are some of us, that believe is not enough.  We believe we need to sacrifice ourselves.”

“So,” asked the man an hour later, “you kill people – women and children – for you God of love?”
“Mmh... Yes.” the Muslim said simply.  
“I think I ought to go.” he said and left the encampment forever.”

It was obvious to the man that he would not find God with these people who weren’t even aware of illogicalities and paradoxes of their faith.  He decided to go where he was certain to be logical people.  The big city.  Luckily he had took some of the food to put into his pack, he had learned his lesson and he did not expect any charity.  So with his pack he set of in the direction he knew the city to be in.

When he was about halfway to the city he met a strange man sitting on a rock, facing away from hi.  Even though he couldn’t see the man’s face it was obvious that the man possessed much wisdom.  He approached him an tapped him on the shoulder.  Suddenly the hermit swung round with a speed unusual for a man of his age and gave the man a mighty thwack about the head.  The man promptly passed out.

When he came around, the man was laughing.  Smarmy bastard.
“I apologize to thee, mine friend.  I struck thee for I bethink thy were a snake.” he said in a strange accent.
“I tapped you on the bloody shoulder!”  The man was starting to think  this hermit was not as wise as he had thought.
“A tapping snake.” said the hermit promptly.  
“Right... Hey, why do you talk that way?” the man asked.
“I talk how I talk because if I were to talk any other way, that would also be the way I talk.  Indeed any way I talk, that would be the way that I talk.  Only the fool would not talk in the way he talks, and he will be consumed by his folly.  Thus spake Zarathustra.” said the hermit simply and quickly.
“Oh.  I... see.  So your name’s Zarathustra?” he asked confusedly.
“Indeed.  The vision before thine eyes responds to the name of Zarathustra.  But speaketh unto me, why dost thou tappeth me on mine shoulder?”  Zarathustra asked.
“I wanted to ask you something.  Doesn’t seem much use now, but do you know where God is?” he asked disparately.
“Ha!  My friend!  Do not speak of God!  Do we not avoid speaking of the dead?”
“Huh?”
“It is obvious that we do not speak of those beyond the grave.  Just like this we must not talk of God!”
“I don’t quite...”
“God is dead!  He has perished, my friend!”  
“I... don’t under...”
“And we have killed him, don’t you see?”  
“I’m innocent!” cried the man.  He was getting very panicky and Zarathustra was getting more and more agitated.
“But fear not, my friend!  There comes something even greater than God!  He is called the Ubermensch and the most beautiful thing is that you and I will becom the Ubermensch!”
“Me?”
“Indeed, my friend!  We need only sacrifice ourselves.”
“Again with the sacrificing.  Who are you planning to kill?” asked the man.  He was getting quite used to this religion stuff.
“Nobody!  Nobody needs to die! The fools will die out of their own folly.  We need to stop caring for ourselves and care for others!”  the hermit slash philosopher bean turning around swishing his brightly coloured robe around.  “After all, why should I believe in a God that cannot dance?”  Mmmh... Perhaps this man was wise after all...
“Finally!” cried the man.  “A religion where I need only be virtuous!”
“What dost thou say!?  I despise you and your preconceived notions of virtue!  Thou must go from me, for you are not yet ready to ascend!” Zarathustra then proceeded to thwack the ma about the head some more and to sic his eagle on him and chased him out of the range of what must have been his area of living.

This was the man’s strangest encounter, yet this philosopher did have some interesting ideas...  But all in all he did not think much of this Ubermensch business.  It was jut too... exclusive.  It seemed to him that to ascent one would have to find favor with that strange Zarathustra character.  And this was a man who smacks strangers with sticks!  No, he thought that the answers would still be in the big city.  At least there would be more options with all those people living there, all the stimulation to make brave new ideas.  Yes, that seemed like his best option.

Wow.  That was his first thought.  Wow.  There were people everywhere and the buildings were enormous.  Sure, the air was a little... poignant, but that did not worry him.  This place was so vibrant.  If he were God, he would live here.  He wanted to talk to as many of these people as soon as possible, but every time he talked to someone, they ignored him, or gave him all their money.  Although he thought that was very nice of them, this did not get him any closer to the answer he really wanted.  By midday he was very hungry because he had already used all that he had gotten from the Muslim.  He had eaten some, and some he had hurled at the eagle that was trying (or it at least felt like it) to peck his kidneys out.  Since all the people he had ‘talked’ to had given him their colder shoulder/money/valuables he decides to find conversation in a café where he could enjoy something to eat as well.  Ah, this looked homely, The Chestnut Tree Café.  He headed in.

He had hoped that the place would be packed, as that would give him ample reason to share someone’s table.  Unfortunately, for both him and the Café, the lace was almost empty.  There was only a man playing chess against him self and three other men, sitting together eating very unappetizing dishes.  All four patrons were drinking some clear liquid.  Because the three men looked jollier, or at least less morose than the single man, the man decided to join them.  No, this was not a jolly place.  Not jolly at all.

“Hi, do you mind if I sit here?” he asked nervously.  
The first man replied:  “Of course not, comrade, you may sit where you wish.”
“Thanks.  Thanks very much.” said the man gratefully and sat down.  The waitress approached immediately and the man was impressed by the service.  (But on the other hand, it wasn’t like she had anything else to do.”  
“Hi there, sir.  Would you like to try our specialty?  Triumph Gin with some herbs.” she asked.  
“That sounds delightful.  Can I also see the menu?”
“Of course, sir.” she said and handed him the menu and poured him the “Triumph Gin” drink.  He took a sip.  It was vile.  He turned his attention to his co-patrons.
“So comrade, I assume you did not choose this seat because there was no other.” said the first man and looked around pointedly.  “So why sit here?”
“Actually, I’m looking for answers, and I’m hoping you know where I can find God.” said the man simply.  The second man snorted in dissent.  
“God...” muttered the third.  
“Comrade, you most certainly have not been around the block.  There is no God.” said the first.
“Oh.  Like that nutters bloke in the forest?” he asked apprehensive that these men could be his disciples.  The three exchanged knowing looks.  “Zarathustra.” they said together.  Te second lit up a cigarette.  The man could see the package:  “Triumph Cigarettes”.  Apparently it was a popular brand.
“No, my comrade.  Zarathustra is just bonkers.  There was no God, there is no God, there never will be a God.  It’s all very simple.  We do not need a God, thus we have no God.”  The man look around.  It seemed to him that these people were in dire need of a God.  Or at least a decorator.
“Exactly, comrade.” said the third, “If there was such a God, why does he not help you find him?  You look like you’ve been dragged backwards through a privet bush.”  And then, the man’s words made sense.  He had struggled through sun and sleet, almost died of starvation, had to wash dishes, he had been shunted aside and not to mention being thwacked about the head by a senior citizen who would probably not recognize his own face if he looked in a bloody mirror.
“I think you’re...” he started, but he couldn’t complete the sentence as he had intended.  Sure, the last few days had not been exactly rosy (he did not pack any spare  underwear) but the rest of his life had been perfectly fragrant.

With this thought he took his leave of his current company.  At least, he put his money down, but before he could stand up, the single man – who had been sitting quietly all the time knocking back Gin – suddenly jumped to his feet and started raging about some or other relative and stormed out the door.
“Don’t mind him, comrade.  He’s had a really tough time.” said the first man.
“Okaaay... said the man and quickly left.

When he got out on the street, he didn’t know where to go.  He looked around.  He saw that weird guy standing there, staring into some woman’s eyes.  “Bloody nutters.” he muttered and walked in the opposite direction. He walked down the streets without any particular goal. Then he saw a beggar sitting in the street. He didn’t know what it was about him that interested the man. Maybe it was his air of content. In this place where it seemed that everyone only wanted to get more and more it was strange to see someone with so little yet looking so... pleased. He bent down annd looked the beggar in the eyes

“This may seem strange to you, but do you know where God is?” he asked.
“Of course I do!” said the beggar.
“What? Where?”
“God is not out there somewhere to be found and harassed by petty questions. No, God is the spiritual force that guides the world. And he isn’t in any one location. He is inside you. He always has been. You’ve just been so obsessed with the outer world that you haven’t looked closely enough at yourself.” Then it hit the man. It was obvious. He turned his view inwards. And there it was...